You are allowed to be alive. You are allowed to be somebody different. You are allowed to not say goodbye to anybody or explain a single thing to anyone, ever.Augusten Burroughs (via fleurslibres)
If I could say something about the whole 401 Show Carrie Hope Fletcher fiasco…
I wasn’t necessarily mad that this was the first time I had heard Carrie talk about something remotely related to relationships and consent since the “Alex Day incident,” I was mad at what she said in general on the show about relationships.
While I don’t think that she straight up victim blamed, she definitely toned down the dangerous nature of abusive relationships or near-abusive relationships. When asked what people should do if their partner starts checking their social media, emails, or texts obsessively, she said that ”it puts pressure on the relationship.” Not that you should tell them that it’s not okay, that you should put your foot down and tell them that it’s obsessive, and possibly abusive. She said that it would put “pressure on the relationship.” This implies that you should still consider yourself to be a “we” in this sense, when you need to be thinking as a “me” in order to keep yourself safe from a possibly dangerous situation.
It wasn’t until Jimmy said that it could be the “start of a slippery slope” and it could escalate to this person isolating you that Carrie seemed to understand what he was getting at, but it still seemed like she didn’t realize that this was possibly abusive behavior until he said this. She did say that this person could have “controlling” behavior, but it seemed like she didn’t quite grasp how significant of an indicator for future behavior this could be or how far-reaching the effects would be. She didn’t give an outright “no” when asked if this was acceptable behavior, which is what she should have said, she said that the situation could get “uncomfortable.” It couldn’t just get “uncomfortable,” it could get dangerous. It could escalate to life-threatening. It’s the “slippery slope” that Jimmy mentioned of the thinking that Carrie is promoting that leads young girls and women to try to work out issues with their abusers, when they should be explicitly stating that this behavior is not okay or getting out of the relationship before they are put in serious danger.
I’m mostly disappointed that after the incidents that occurred in the YouTube community and the awareness that we have raised, there are still people that are not taking as strong of a stance as they should be. And I’m disappointed that Carrie is one of those people.
spent some much needed time with my naked self today
it was awesome
Volcano Choir - Comrade